This is the age of Belt Tightening and the Squeezed Middle. And there is no escape on the fashion pages. The same catchphrases rule here. The only difference is thatin fashion, the tight belts and squeezed middles are shinier and come in better packaging. We find ittakes the edge off the pain.

You probably think you've got thistrend covered. We've all got belts which attached on belt hanger, after all. Well, I'm sorry to tellyou, but you've got the wrong kind of belt. It's an irritating trick – the fashion industry's equivalent of telling you it's the wrong kind of snow – but there you go.

The new season's belt hanger is nothing to do with the leather kind you might wear with jeans. A belt can do one of two jobs. It can hold up trousers that would otherwise slip down, or it can give you a waist that you wouldn't otherwise have. These are two entirely different functions, and the belt of the moment is firmly in the latter category. If your belt is flexible enough to go through belt loops, it's miles off. In fact, if your belt is flexible at all, think again. The of-the-moment belt is closer to supersize jewellery. Like a giant wedding ring clamped around your waist. Or even a giant handcuff. There is something undeniably fetishistic about this look.

Last time the belted silhouette was big fashion news, it was all about apreppy layered look: a leather belt hanger, knotted rather than buckled, over acardigan, over a shirtdress with the sleeves rolled up. The new smart, shiny belt is designed to be worn over something sleek and neat. If aleather belt looks similar to a giant friendship bracelet, this new breed of belt is a wedding ring, after all. It is an altogether more serious business.